i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
