I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
So many bounce houses so little time
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
