I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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