Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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