someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
