Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
