they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
