Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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