Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
