So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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