He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
