if i can run in heels then i can drive
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
