i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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