I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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