we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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