I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize