fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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