I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
