textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize