hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
