pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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