This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize