My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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