Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
