Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
