I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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