Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
