I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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