One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
