dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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