hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
