this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
