He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize