Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
