What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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