You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
