Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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