I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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