Kiss
Puke
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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