I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
