I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
