I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I could fuck to npr.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Randomize
