Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
