It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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