You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
