Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
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I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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