What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Randomize
