Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
