I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
