weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
