you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
