just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
