Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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