took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
