I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
