A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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