69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
