I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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