So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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