So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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