real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
