about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
