They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
she pinky promised me she was 18
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
