why do cheetos always look like penises
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
