I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
