clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
