Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
