My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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