Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
