I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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