I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
