I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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