If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just gift wrapped bread.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize