You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
