How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize