Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize