Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
