How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
