Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
