Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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