theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
