I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Randomize
