We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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