4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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